Four days 

I have had a rough year. The degree of which, meant no blog entries. I did write some but deleted them. I don’t have the language to convey what the last year is like because some things are better felt than said. Plus, I don’t want to talk much about it. I have had two bearevements, both at the same time pretty much. My life was a revolving cycle of hospital visits and anxiety, not that I am complaining.  Whilst this happened, I left one bad job that was making me ill, for another. There were upsides to both jobs, certainly. The last one took all my energy, on days off I couldn’t even regain energy anymore, so, after a weekend of imagining quitting and a phone call to a friend, indeed I quit the next day. I have learnt a huge amount about illness on a spectrum, and it never ceases to amaze me, how resilient humans can be, and how awful. I also learnt I’m very stubborn, and have a limit of how much information I can take in one go!  I’m now looking for a job that won’t kill me. At this point selling my underwear could be an option 😂   My mood has been funny the last week, initially relieved, then low. I do not miss or regret my choices, but I suppose I have time finally to process this last year. I have the funeral services of my close friend and nan,  on my dining table. I can look briefly but haven’t put them away yet. This Saturday is a short service for my nan, for her ashes.   My shrine has gotten dusty.  This week I have slowly returned to reading prayer books and blogs etc. I always talk in my head to my gods. Now I’m ready to talk out loud. I am doing a healing candle, clean my brain out,  move what I don’t need anymore. So,  two prayers later, a candle, natron and water I will be finished in four days ( kemetic number of completion). So far my flame is a peachy pink colour, which is reassuring. I must remember that only Hethert gets to wander. 🤔

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