Spaces between the stars

I had a very graphic dream I had an abortion. This is some thing I wouldn’t go so far to say I wanted but accepted as necessary. I remember a side part of this dream where I cried and said ” but you don’t understand how lonely it is ” before the procedure. I think this represented a creeping in crush I had on some one; but I know will never result it any satisfaction and I wanted rid of this crush . So this crush served a purpose of filling in the empty / lonely spaces of my psyche.  I also was having painful pms so I think it was the easiest thing for me to dream up since I must not have wanted to wake myself up for meds.  I had the worst menses I have ever had this month. I’m glad the worst of it was on my days off . I’m not a fan of blood magic, I prefer to stick to kemetic orthodoxy views of purity in the shrine. I do believe my menstruation was for a reason, to get rid of particularly nasty colleagues.  Work is in the midst of chaos and death, I’ve taken to night shifts to try and take cover . But I suppose there’s no hiding from everything.  This week I’m obsessed with a band I just discovered , to the degree I spent 5 hours in a row playing their videos.  It’s refreshing to find bands who don’t avoid the uncomfortable painful parts of life .. And manage to be up beat mostly.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOYmLCTLZrU

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