Remembering the start

Life before finding my path. I remember questions, annoyance I couldn’t access that something else I knew was there. I wanted to deliver punishment to those who escaped justice. Heal those in need. I was certain as a child that I was a witch, whatever that meant, I wasn’t sure. I remember that I sat making mud pies in the garden and not understanding why people chose religions that did not have a goddess. I didn’t relate to a male god. I vowed to serve Mother Earth. Fast forward twenty something years, after pushing, searching, the answers came. For the first time, i felt whole, that thing that i was meant to be Finally was here! And I was lucky enough that the Gods I identified with, saw me as their own too. I found a song this week by an artist I really like, that sums up how that felt.
So, when I’m dragging my head as if it weighs a ton, and those fibromyalgia pains remind me they are still there, to which feels as if I’m slowly being drowned by pain. Loneliness creeps in like a cancer. I try to think back, to what makes me happy. What did I start this for? What gives me purpose to live? Because sometimes I can’t find an answer and I don’t know what keeps me alive. But then I remember I have one. A pretty fucking awesome one. Fuck you depression. Fuck you fibromyalgia. Fuck you degenerative disc disease and bulges. On a second note; Here’s to celebrating Red week from Monday onwards. I hope my voice is as loud as his, and my strength in equal greatness. ** to those not in the know, it is a week designated to celebrating Set within the realms of Kemetic Orthodoxy. And I really hope this low mood goes away.


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