I feel as if I haven’t made an entry in a long time. Partly because I haven’t done much magically to write about, secondly because I have been dragged through another hell where my coping strategy is to retreat to preserve myself. It’s been probably a year and a half since I was tapped on the shoulder and given an answer to my prayer to Aset ( for Aset luminous) . A year and a half of blood tests, being told I have fibromyalgia to Polymyalgia, steroid treatments, raised blood clotting levels, high inflammation levels, an ultra sound on my heel, an injection in my heel. Having tonsillitis for two weeks, a nasty cold. A month or two of exhaustion. Maybe glandular fever. And finally starting Amytriptiline after for what felt like the hundredth time asking for medication to help with my pain. Before this I was met with shrugs and drugs so strong I didn’t even take them after trialling them. They made me sleep, did not get rid of pain. What I had suspected, but avoided dealing with, was I had depression too. I personally feel because of all the pains I had which were never ending, didn’t go away, and were actively progressing and making exercise too painful to engage in. Which was one of the ways i’d managed it before. I also could not manage day to day things like sitting , standing, something as simple as doing the washing up I’d have to plan. But I did discover cycling helps, so I now have a static bike which I use. Then I started amytriptiline ; I had a bumpy month, my pain melted slightly in my legs and hips, and I felt a magical energy around me the first night I took the tablets. After a while, just staying a live seemed to be the only thing I had time for. My thoughts had been whipped into such a frenzy, my own head was screaming at me to end it all, and why was I bothering to try anymore? After that bridge had been crossed, it was slightly better sailing, I increased my dose and had a huge wave of anger, anger I’d had about various issues but actually had no energy to deal with. This was the point i’d had enough of not being given a clear diagnosis despite doing the rounds at various doctors. I now have been told yes I have it, and I can tell work. Well that’s one less thing for me to be angry about. I hated waiting to be told what I knew already. :sigh: In the mean time, I’m pretty certain my manager wants me sacked , for what reason I’m not sure. But she likes to tell me ” I can go off sick if I’m struggling to cope” rather than being sensible and adjusting my hours. -rolls eyes- the only person leaving work will be her. Bitch. I also learnt Nada protocol auricular acupuncture.. They help get rid of pain So well. Thanks to Amytriptiline I’ve now been in less pain for about two months, and can now do hip stretches which before I couldn’t without days of pain. I was that excited to feel the pain moving away for the first time in years , there’s no words for it. This year I decided not to participate in the Wesir mysterys, firstly because after this years downs and further downs I couldn’t face going through another ‘ death’ and secondly because I was going on holiday, to Mexico and there’s no way i would have been able to focus on any of it. I take the Wesir mysterys very seriously. My holiday was however not deity free. As I was wondering through whs smith for some books to read for my holiday, I spotted a book : the gospel of Loki. I grinned, picked it up and quite frankly found it hard to put down again. My holiday to mexico was badly needed. I discovered I can tolerate sitting/ lying down for longer on Amytriptiline but this does not mean I can get away with not exercising. As luck would have it, they did a core class everyday and I really enjoyed it. And I had little to no pain in my flight home ( 10 hours) . Loki seemed to enjoy being in Mexico with me, he played a traditional prank on me/ my mom. We had a hot tub in the hotel room, we went to turn on the jets, and a big surge of water flew up straight into my moms face; up the wall , across the floor and on my bed. I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time. One of the panels had fallen off the jets. We hadn’t noticed. Lokis influence seemed to be everywhere, from jewellery in the salons to the moustaches drawn on posters. Making posh waiters drop cutlery and looking embarrassed, hand towels with big red L’s on.To following me around in various bird forms, and circling my coach when it came to say adios to Mexico. I feel like I have learnt a lot about Loki on this holiday, I won’t go into detail. But I’m glad I found that book and shared some laughs. I also tried a massage called Shirodara, which was relaxing and totally blissful. At the start they ask you to open your hands to represent your heart, and accept seeds representing abundance and hold them. It made me think of Wesir. Perhaps I should stop feeling guilty about not doing the mysteries this year and accept the good the holiday will do for me. I wonder if anyone else takes Gods on their holidays?