Giving up, starting again

I recently had a rheumatology appointment I waited a year to have. I really hoped they’d have an answer for what is causing my pain. I’m told ” your a mystery woman” but apparently this isn’t unusual but whatever it is, isn’t rheumatology based. I got given a date for a heel scan to see what’s wrong with it, and told I’ll be seen again. My Gp now thinks it may be fibromyalgia : which was suggested a year and a half ago and he dismissed it. I’ve been so miserable, I stopped my exercise classes, I stopped having baths ( I still wash but baths are super helpful for pain) and basically just lay around my apartment in misery. I considered ending my life, as I can’t deal with constant pain and the thought of there being no end or answer. But my suspicion was, at every apparent crisis there comes an answer or change. So I waited. . And cried. The change has started, I asked my friend to help reduce my pain whilst I come off steroids and wait even more to figure out what’s wrong. The outcome so far is, I spent a night feeling like I had the flu and having quite strong pain all day, to feeling like id ran a marathon, to now just having hip/ stomach pain and achey legs. I have acquired an angry akhu who wanted to help kick the crap out of my pain to make it go away, and a mojo bag on its way to make the pain go away for good. It can not come soon enough. I need my life to go back to normal. I’m done measuring what I can and can’t do and I’m done being miserable.

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5 thoughts on “Giving up, starting again

  1. Nick

    Oh no…

    Have you reached out to any of the Native American PTB (powers that be)? They’re ace at healing. O really do hope you feel better, hon. We really do need to hang…one day.

    Reply
    1. cinnamonwarmth Post author

      I wouldn’t really know what to do, so no I haven’t. We do need a catch up 🙂 how are you recently ? I’m having less pain now, and feel less pushed to the edge.

      Reply

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