Hekate and bereavement

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Death is such a painful yet unavoidable part of life – albeit the end of life. ( then to wherever you believe you go next or don’t)
This year for me, it was the second time a close family member became ill with cancer – and sadly passed away. The first time I was drawn to kemetic gods for support – I simply couldn’t talk to Hekate because I had a bizarre idea that she may take that person away!! Of course, this was a messed up idea that was part of my grief – I had to some how mentally separate all notions of acceptance and hold on to hope. If I went to Hekate it would have meant admitting it was the end, and there was no way I was ready for that. For a solid two years I cried on the way home from work, sometimes on the way to work. It was spontaneous and usually a song on the radio would trigger a memory of this person. At the time of some ones impending passing away, I find being able to have a ” god phone” a blessing but also much harder to not feel as if some how I could bargain the gods, or give them more time some how. I feel a terrible guilt for not doing some thing, anything. Even though it is out of my hands. But what I have done is cast magic to provide comfort , easing of pain for whom is passing – and protection through the transition. ( I also have a kind friend who will help too and this usually includes comfort for family members). I have become distinctly disaproving of the phrase ” that’s life ” or ” life’s a bitch” my determining was actually no – that’s death, and neither comment gave me any comfort. A simple ” I’m so sorry your going through that/ that sounds really hard/ how are you coping?” or something similar is so much better.This year, my moms partner passed away, Steve, became ill in the late summer, had investigations which couldn’t establish what was going on, he collapsed prior to a planned surgery, had part of his bowel removed and infected (cancerous )lumps. Sadly this only gave him a few more months, as his cancer continued to spread. He wasn’t told it was cancer until a month before he passed away. I chose to help my mom nurse him palliatively at home. It gave me flashbacks for some weeks , there are things I never want to see again. Or even want for anyone to go through. In some ways it’s sucked my strength and hope away. I know it will come back. I do wonder how my mom copes with it, I can only admire her guts to carry on with life in any way she chooses. This time I chose to seek support from Hekate. From the moment I got that text from my mom, I knew she was with me. In fact she spent maybe an entire two weeks with me non stop. Every night she nursed me through my pain, helped me sleep to carry on helping everyone else- of course I asked her to look after everybody else too and I’m sure she did. she answered a very silent prayer of mine – that his passing was not drawn out and awful – but that my mom had enough time to say goodbye. I have come to really appreciate Hekates role in death, a lot more and feel much closer to her as a result – but can happily say I never want to go through that again. I also have come to appreciate akhu or that is family members who have passed on more. I can happily report my aunt Susanne visits when I go to her grave in Germany, and I tell her what’s going on and put little statues on her grave. Steve seems to be mostly with mom and his family, but he seems to have pushed me to attend to akhu celebrations – and I have learnt not to fear them so much ( I still do ok) and he seems to have pestered my mom so much in his passing – she finally quit smoking. The power of akhu and influence they still have in life is something I’m learning to see, and appreciate and will continue to do so. It’s not my strongest point. But I’m so glad death is not the end. So glad for Hekate. So glad for Wesir and that maybe one day he will be my Nisut when I have passed. Who wouldn’t want to shine as gold in the belly of Nut? What a fine thought.

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